Headgum // Landlines: Womanhood: What Is This Hormonal Ride We’re All On?

Allison Williams Reveals Scariest Thing About M3GAN: She’s Real!

The first link is Allison Williams on her podcast, talking about kicking boys in the balls with her wooden clogs. It’s a brief mention, lasting about a minute (starts around 4:17). The second link is Williams on the Kelly Clarkson show, where she does a bit about this that’s about two minutes and forty seconds long (starts at 2:00).

In the podcast, she’s reminiscing with a childhood friend, and her clogs come up. Here’s the relevant bit (there may be a word or two I didn’t catch)

“I used to kick boys in the balls and I’ve been confronted about it since… for fun, I thought it was funny…I want this to serve as my restorative apology to all of the boys I kicked in the balls, and there were MANY of you…I didn’t understand the pain you were experiencing, I didn’t think it was real, I thought it was charming. It was a way of taking power from you guys. “

You can hear Allisons’ friend laughing about this while she describes it.

It becomes clear that “restorative apology” was meant ironically when you watch the Kelly Clarkson interview; she has the whole audience laughing hysterically as the reenacts the incidents, describing the boys collapsing, crying, unable to speak, and throwing up, and her reactions to this. The “apology” part is part of the joke, like offering a “restorative apology” for messing up spelling someone’s name, or stealing the apple off a teacher’s desk.

Allison Williams Recalls Kicking Boys ‘in the Balls’ with Wooden Clogs in the 4th Grade: ‘I Hope It Caused No Permanent Damage’

Allison Williams Made Kelly Clarkson Laugh So Hard She Fell Out of Her Chair

Allison Williams

You can see this bit featured in the above links (people magazine, aol, entertainment now).

Of the 87 comments currently on the youtube video, one is negative: “the prank part is so f**ked up. Laughing about hurting someone for fun…our society is completely crazy.” There’s another neutral comment: “Would average women be offended if the genders were swapped and men on a show were discussing a childhood story of hitting girls (and making them cry) and laughing and giggling about it now (as adults)? Or would it be accepted as just some guys looking back on childhood silliness? No assumptions here…I’m just curious about how average women would interpret this.” No responses to this. Two other comments just cite the moment where her story starts, but with no clear positive or negative comment (I guess I take this to be positive, like “check out this part!”).

A handful of the comments are critical of the interview in some way or another; but almost all of the comments are positive, about how wonderful Allison and/or kelly are, very little mention or notice about the story of serial violent sexual assault. Allison is so charming, like a breath of fresh air, she’s wonderful, etc.

Full statement from Louis C.K. | CNN

In 2025, it’s easy to think of a list of formal, public apologies for various things; using the n-word and sexual misconduct come to mind. I can’t think of one for acts that involve the level of violence and physical trauma that Allison’s stories contain; I put a link to Louis CK’s apology above for comparison. Louis CK asked various women, I think usually younger or less famous comedians, if they would let him show them his penis. This is abusive, wrong, and merits apology; but it’s not violent sexual assault. Let’s imagine for a moment that Louis CK, or any prominent comedian or actor, had committed a series of violent sexual assaults on women; then did an “apology” bit like Allison’s, including comically recreating the events, mocking the physical and psychological trauma of his victims in the moments of their agony as they’re crying and vomiting, recreating his unsympathetic reactions to that suffering and so forth. I’m pretty sure none of us will ever see that. But everyone can see Allison Williams doing it, and not only do they love it, they kind of don’t even notice it.

Two little blips…one is in her podcast she says that it was lots of boys, but in the Kelly Clarkson bit, she says it was just two boys, two times. I think it would be odd to remember that as lots of boys unless it was lots of boys; if I were to assume an explanation for this discrepancy, it’s that she wanted to edit down the number to make the story more audience friendly, or that she does feel some amount of guilt. In any case that discrepancy is interesting. If the discrepancy is her misremembering, then is it memorable for her to assault someone this way, then to stay and mock them as they’re crying, convulsing and vomiting? Or is that, for her, just sort of the texture of her childhood memories, next to other shoes and accessories she remembers? Is one of these victims interchangeable with another for her?

The other blip is that she mentions that she’s been confronted about this (I assume confronted about at least one of these incidents). Let’s assume that she was confronted by a man who had been her victim. Imagine that he’s confronting her because this was traumatic for him. I think I’ve made a case that it is very, very difficult for men to bring anything forward about any kind of sexual assault, especially mga. Now imagine this man watching the Kelly Clarkson bit. I think it would be devastating; it’s hard to imagine that it would feel like a sincere apology about a violent sexual assault.

I guess my entire blog is an argument against Wade’s claim that there is a significant societal stigma against mga. There is SOME stigma against it; my position is that the amount of stigma against mga is wildly disproportionate to the harm involved. My blog has lots of examples like this Allison Williams one; I guess I’m just picking this example because it recently came to my attention. There is significant positive reinforcement for a woman like Allison Williams to brag about mga, and seemingly zero disincentive or punishment, either for the mga or for the bragging. I do believe a shadow of a stigma exists; but it’s hard to see any power behind it.

A final thought about Williams…am I arguing that she’s an evil sociopath? Certainly “sociopath” would be way beyond my expertise. I can easily paint a picture where she’s a normal, even good person. Very likely adults were aware of her assaults; it’s not hard to imagine that an adult caretaker witnessed her doing this, and simply laughed at the boy, or encouraged her. I think I’ve shown examples of that in my blog. Just listen to the laughter in Clarkson’s audience as she describes the assaults, her victims involuntary reactions and so forth. Try to search for anything describing mga as a violent sexual assault. Watch any number of tv series aimed at kids where boys are victims of mga for fun, as punishment for a non-violent act, or for no reason at all, simply to show that the female perpetrator is cool and likeable. For all I understand about psychology and sociology, Allison Williams could just be a perfectly normal human being, following come combination of her impulses and the cues she’s given in response to them.

Again, it’s disappointing to me that feminism doesn’t see this. Feminism has the tools at it’s disposal to understand that mga is horrible; simply regard men with the same humanity you regard women with, and follow the evidence and conclusions where they go. But it appears that the tools of feminism, or any kind of humanizing framework, really don’t serve to (and maybe aren’t even meant to) humanize all of us.

I suppose it’s possible that Wade thinks that there is an unspoken disproportional prohibition against MGA among men only. I just don’t see how that’s coherent in a framework of feminism; wouldn’t the patriarchy crack down on all of the MGA? Wouldn’t the patriarchy punish women extra, because the patricarchy digs oppressing women? Why would it be unspoken at all? Why wouldn’t it be one of the “well it’s just obviously wrong” things, like rape? In fact, wouldn’t the prohibition of MGA be stronger than the prohibition of rape? I think it’s difficult to watch the Williams/Clarkson interview, or listen to Williams’ podcast, and see the hand of the MGA hating patriarchy anywhere. Patriarchy isn’t going to explain MMA rules, it isn’t going to explain high school parents and refs letting players get their genitals grabbed, and it certainly isn’t going to explain Allison Williams’ wooden clogs.